Relationship Advice

The Right Relationship Can Happen:How To Create Relationship Success by Nancy Pina
Expert relationship advice for anyone searching for relationship guidance, marriage solutions or dating tips.  You can learn how to attract the right relationship partner and create a healthy, lasting, loving union.  Learn how to improve an existing relationship and live an abundant personal life.
 

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Relationship Advice Question:

Dear Nancy,

I am at a loss as to why I am so cursed in love!!! I broke up with a man I had dated for two &1/2 years...finally...I really loved him.  We dated long distance...seven hours away, until I just faced up that this wasn't what I wanted, though I really loved him. I broke up with him....he walked across the street (literally), met a girl there, is engaged to be married, living with her and I am still with no one...she is going to be a doctor.

He came in town a few weeks ago and we saw each other and caught up. It was like our final goodbye.  I'm not sure why he wanted it, but he called me and wanted to see me. Anyway. he is off, probably getting married this summer and I'm still alone.

Dating guys from online, because none of my friends go out.  I went out with a guy last week and found him attractive, but VERY boring. He writes and says he doesn't think I'm interested in seeing him again but would really like to see me again...blah, blah. So I say okay. He writes all week, what can we do, he'll plan it, takes all week to plan....tells me how I'm probably unforgettable and guys don't just walk away from dating me etc.....then CANCELS the date at the last minute!!! Never calls again or anything.

WHAT AM I DOING TO DESERVE THIS?!!!!!! I have a good job, dress nice, professional job, wonderful friends who do really care for me and think I'm good, have great parents who feel happy I'm okay....but no man will touch me for their life. What can I do to become UN-CURSED?!!!! I honestly give up!!!  I don't believe anyone because just like this guy.....said he wanted to go out, thought this and this about me, then cancels at 10pm on Friday night for a Saturday date.

Can you help me or direct me???

Diane
 

Relationship Advice Answer:

Dear Diane,

Thank you for writing to me and sharing the experiences you've been going through lately. It is very important that you start right here, right now and change what you focus your thoughts on and change the words you use.  If you really believe that you are cursed in love, this will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I cannot empathize this concept enough. 

You are most worthy of experiencing love with a man who treats you with the love, honor and respect you deserve.  In order for this to manifest, you need to believe it.  When these negative thoughts come into your mind, you need to cancel them out and replace them with a positive affirmation about yourself. 

By selecting individuals who are really not available for a relationship with you (as your ex-boyfriend was), you are reinforcing your fundamental belief that you will lose the people you love and will be left alone.  You expect to be abandoned, and you expect it to last forever.  With this schema, you believe that no matter how good things seem, in the end your relationships are doomed.  This core belief has origins from very early in life and is triggered by intimate relationships.  I encourage you to be conscious of the fact that you will be most highly attracted to and have the most chemistry with men who are:

• Unlikely to make a long-term commitment because  they are married or in another relationship.

• Consistently unavailable to you emotionally and/or physically.

• Emotionally unstable.

• Does not want to settle down with one partner.

• Feels ambivalent towards you.

In order to change your feeling of abandonment and break this cycle, I encourage you to take the following steps:

• Understand your childhood abandonment.

• Monitor your feelings of abandonment.

• Review your past relationships and see the patterns that repeat. 

• Avoid uncommitted, unstable, ambivalent partners even though you are very attracted to them.

• Trust partners who are stable and committed.  Believe that he will not leave you.

• Do not cling, become jealous or overreact to the normal separations of a healthy relationship.

For in-depth guidance in freeing yourself of your core belief, I suggest my e-course to help you on this journey.

I believe your internet date had the potential of being a stable and committed partner.  Next time, I encourage you to give people more of a chance with you.  You said that you found this man attractive, but boring.  Most people are nervous on a first date, so please keep that in mind.  We'd all like to be charming and witty and say profound things from the very beginning - but most of the time that doesn't happen. 

More than likely, he sensed that you did not have any energy to see him again so he canceled at the last minute.  I certainly don't condone that behavior, but he might have felt that you did not appreciate the effort he was making for your second date.  Remember that relationships are driven by feelings. 

I understand how difficult it is to go through a break up of a relationship, and then get back into dating again.  I encourage you to use this time to work on your self-confidence and allow yourself to be treated very well by these new people that God is bringing into your life.  

Sincerely yours,  

Nancy

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