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Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Learning From Your Mistakes
By Dr. John C. Maxwell
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched
hand, nor
the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when
he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship."
*Ralph Waldo Emerson {1803-1882 American Poet & Essayist}
LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES by Dr.
John C. Maxwell
I used to think that as I gained maturity and experience I would make
fewer mistakes. I thought, "I'm going to get better at this,
because I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning."
I believed that there would come a day when I wouldn't make very many
mistakes, because I'd get better. What I learned was that as I
gained maturity and experience, I would continue to make mistakes,
but I would learn more quickly from them.
What I found out was that I didn't lower my "mistake quota" but I learned
better from my mistakes, and it's because of maturity. Maturity
helps us learn more quickly from our mistakes and here are the
reasons why:
1. We become more self-confident.
As we become more self-confident, we're willing to admit things that we
would not admit if we had lower self-image.
2. We realize that mistakes are not usually fatal.
It was a happy day for me when I realized that when I made a mistake, it
was seldom fatal. After you make a mistake and say, "Oh, I lived!
I'm okay. I'm going to see another sunrise." Then all of a sudden
you say, "They're not as big of a deal as I thought."
3. We find that we make the same mistakes unless we learn from them.
Unless I learn from a mistake, I usually keep doing it over and
over again. You see, the question is not how many mistakes have
you made; the question is how many of the same mistakes have you
made? If I always do what I've always done, I'll always get what
I've always gotten.
4. We understand that mistakes are unavoidable.
Look back at your early years. Can you think of the times you tried to
avoid mistakes? You know what I'm saying? "Well, I'll just be
careful. I won't make any mistakes here." Well, after awhile you
just plunge in because you know the mistakes are unavoidable.
5. We see others make mistakes.
Wasn't it wonderful when you saw all the people that you admired make
mistakes? You thought, "Oh, good night! Look where they are, and
they blew it!"
The following illustration says a lot about life and learning from our
mistakes. It comes out of a university commencement address many,
many years ago by Brian Dyce, who at that time was the CEO of Coca
Cola Enterprises. He spoke about the relationship of work to one's
other commitments.
"Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air.
You can name them--work, family, health, friends, and spirit--and
you're keeping all of these in the air and you will soon
understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it'll
bounce back; but the other four balls--family, health, friends,
and spirit—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will
be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even
shattered. They'll never be the same, and you must understand that
and strive for the balance of your life.
"How? Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is
because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set
your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what
is best for you. Don't take for granted the things that are
closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life; for
without them, life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip
through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By
living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your
life. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing
is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect--it is this
fragile thread that binds us to each other. Don't be afraid to
encounter risk--it is by taking chances that we learn how to be
brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible
to find—the quickest way to receive love is to give, and the
fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly, and the best
way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't run through life so
fast that you forget not only where you've been but also where
you're going. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need
is to feel appreciated. Don't be afraid to learn--knowledge is
weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. Don't use time
or words carelessly; neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race
but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is
history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why we
call it the present."
About the Author
John Maxwell is the Author of the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. To
receive more information about John Maxwell's books and to save
20%, Living the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The Maxwell
Leadership Bible - Hardcover, go to
www.JimRohn.com
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE BY NANCY
Dear Nancy,
I have jealousy issues, serious one.
I recently got into a horrifying screaming match with my boyfriend
because he still keeps in touch with an old girlfriend.
The argument ended when he hung up the phone on me.
What should I do?
Is it wrong for me to get angry?
We have been seeing each other for a while now.
Dear Sherree,
In a relationship, the only person we should be emotionally vulnerable
to is our partner, and vise versa. Trust in your relationship cannot
be
established if your boyfriend has another confidant with whom he
had an intimate history.
At the core, these men have a fear of vulnerability and by keeping
an ex-girlfriend as an active participant in their lives they avoid real
vulnerability in their current relationship.
The ex-girlfriend serves as the barrier to knowing real love.
Unless he completely breaks the ties he has with his ex-girlfriend,
you will never have the type of relationship
you want to experience.
We attract every person and situation in our lives to support or
reinforce our core beliefs. At some point early in life, you may
have
formed a core belief that men are not trustworthy and reliable.
As a result, your boyfriend is acting accordingly to reinforce that
belief.
The people and experiences in our lives are there to help us heal and
grow.
It is each person’s job to figure out what aspect of ourselves that we are
not truly embracing and see what is being mirrored back to us in the
people we attract into our lives.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
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Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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