Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Focus On The Joy
By Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"No trumpets sound when the important
decisions of our life
are made. Destiny is made known silently."
*Agnes De Mille {1909-1993 American Dancer}
Focus On The Joy
By Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach
It’s the Holiday Season --A new year is just around the corner!
I’ll bet you’re already thinking about how you’d like next year
to be a little different than the last, right?
But instead of thinking of performance, and efficiency,
and control, I’d like you to take this opportunity to think
about how many things in your daily life that you do
“just for the joy of it”?
What I’m talking about here is value-based happiness
(as opposed to temporary happiness).
Value-based happiness refers to the general feeling of well
being that you experience when you are doing what you perceive
to be meaningful --when it’s something that’s important to you.
When you love what you do, you naturally become more efficient.
When you do things for the Joy of It, you’ll rise above problems,
and move easier through life.
Value Based happiness is a by product from living a life
Focused on the Joy. It is the by product of doing things not
for what you get in return, not because you “should” or “have-to”,
but because you want to, because they are a part of your highest
goals, and what you value.
Value based happiness comes from looking at things with your heart,
not just your eyes.
You create value based happiness by Focusing on the Joy of life,
instead of constantly looking for the next new thing that might
make you feel better about yourself, about your life.
So how do you Focus on the Joy?
Throw out your ideas about control, effectiveness, and goals.
(Yes, they are important, but let’s just try something different,
ok?)
Instead ---
Focus On Learning:
Instead of making a goal to achieve more in your job, decide
instead to read and learn how to do one new thing each week.
Focus on Time:
Schedule your time to include what’s important to you,
like reading time, or exercise time, or family time, or learning time.
Focus on the Why:
Instead of just forcing yourself to mop the kitchen floor,
tap into the higher goal that mopping the kitchen floor supports
(having a clean and healthy home).
How does that feel? Not bad, huh! If you focus on the pleasure
that a desire gives you, you’ll find it easier to put in the work
that it takes. (One author gives the example of giving blood
while the experience itself may be less than pleasant, the joy
comes in knowing *why* you’re doing it).
And I absolutely guarantee that you will achieve more, maintain
your efforts, and have a much better journey along the way.
Over the next 12 months, instead of focusing on the effort,
FOCUS ON THE JOY. Focus on the people and things that are most
important to you. Focus on the pleasure you get out of moving
towards your goals. Focus on the process of creating something,
not what results you expect.
Invest in yourself more than you ever thought was allowed.
Not only will you reap rewards, but those around you will benefit
more than you ever believed.
Kathy Gates is a Professional Life Coach in Scottsdale AZ.
She helps people deal with the stress of every day living in a more
organized and efficient manner.
http://www.reallifecoach.com
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE BY NANCY
Dear Nancy,
The reason I am writing to you is my girlfriend broke up with me
about two months ago. We are still very good friends and we talk
almost every day.
For the first month that we broke up I was really depressed but
I held it in because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was hurting.
Around halfway through the second month I had a huge breakdown.
When I had my breakdown I called her up and told her exactly
how I felt.
When I told her I knew she felt bad but she kept telling me
that is was normal for this to happen because she was my first
true love and everyone feels that way about their first true love.
This in my mind I knew was partially true but I still felt so
empty without her by my side.
So I tried my best to forget it and told her I would just have to
work harder to get through this.
We saw each other over Thanksgiving and I just broke down.
I told her that I had tried so hard to get over my feelings for her
and that I just couldn’t do it. I told her that I was thinking maybe
we shouldn’t talk for a while until I could get over my problem.
Then I said that I knew that would not work out because I feel like I
couldn’t live without her in my life and that I would rather have her
as a friend than not have in my life at all.
I told her about all of my feelings I still had for her and that
no matter what happened I just wanted her to be happy. After
rambling on for twenty minutes, I saw that she was crying. This really got
me because it was the first time that she had really showed her
feelings to me and she told me that she felt the same way.
She also said that she had never forgiven herself for breaking up
with me if this is how we truly feel about each other.
I really want to ask her out again I just can’t find that courage
to do it. I am afraid of rejection from the one girl that I truly feel
like I could spend the rest of my life with.
Dear Kevin,
I understand that if you ask her out, you are opening yourself up to
potential hurt and rejection. However, if she truly is the love of
your life,
I encourage you to try again and ask her out. If you don’t take a
chance,
you will always wonder what your life would be like had you had the faith
in
your love for her and asked her out.
Life is about love and following the path of love is never wrong.
Ask God for the right words to say to her when you ask her out.
I also encourage you to make it a goal this time around in your
relationship to be more open and honest about your feelings for
each other and don’t assume she knows how you feel.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
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I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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