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Welcome to
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: How to Get Over an Ex When You’re Still In Love
by: Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake."
*Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862, American Essayist/Poet/Naturalist
"Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is. How
awful
to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self."
*Millicent Fenwick, 1910-1992, American Diplomat and Congresswoman
How to Get Over an Ex When
You’re Still In Love
By: Barbara Rose
1. First, put yourself in the opposite position: If YOU didn’t
want to be with someone, and let him or her know it, what would
you expect the other person to do? Hopefully let go, and move on
with dignity.
2. The biggest “cure all” every time you miss them, or are
thinking about them with sadness, is to VIVIDLY remember the times
they treated you like DIRT, and ask yourself: “Is THAT what I
REALLY WANT?” When the answer is NO – then keep that in your mind.
It will replace the old pattern of putting them on a pedestal when
they treated you far less than the way you deserved. It will also
help you to replace the pain with the truth of the situation.
3. Every time thoughts about them suddenly come into your mind, do
the above, AND re-direct your focus on to something that is
positive and life enhancing for YOU, or others that you love. You
have the power to consciously re-direct your thoughts and FOCUS.
Do that every time the blues start to creep in to your
consciousness.
4. Really TRUST that everything DOES work out for the best in the
long run, and if you can remember a time when you were sad about
something, only to be grateful for the growth you’ve made, and how
the situation worked out for your highest and best after all, this
will help you realize that this situation is no different.
5. View the other person with compassion, rather than with
bitterness. Realize that they did the best they were capable of,
and if their best was not in your best interest, then it is a gift
that they are out of your life!
6. Get deeply and passionately absorbed in your life purpose! THIS
is the most powerful thing you can do! Why waste your energy,
focus, and attention on a PAST situation, when you can really be
making significant and positive difference in your life, as well
as in the lives of others!
7. Every time you start to think about them, and begin to play
your drama of the past in your mind, consciously CHOOSE to focus
on the NOW, and all of the great things you can be doing. Focus on
being and expressing your highest and best self. Remember that you
don’t NEED them at all. YOU are the gift. They may be a gift as
well, however, if they are out of your life, your life MUST carry
on in the most vibrant, positive and life-renewing manner
possible. This is ALL within your conscious choice and control.
8. Really thank them (in your mind) for every lesson you have
learned, every new discovery you have made, and the difference
they DID make in your life. Realize that THAT was their purpose
for entering your life. So now you can release them with a lot of
gratitude, loving compassion, dignity, and grace.
9. Someone that I personally know that is going through the throws
of emotional agony in trying to let go of a relationship that just
ended said: "We need to know WHY We SHOULD Let THEM GO TO BEGIN
WITH!”
The Answer is so that YOU can be FREE FROM PAIN, and misery! So
that you can attract someone into your life that will treat you
incredibly well, and because you DESERVE to be happy in a real
relationship!
Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog
waiting on the doormat for a couple of crumbs of attention? Don’t
you really deserve to have a fantastic relationship? YES! You do!
Everyone does. If you are in pain the majority of the time, then
you deserve to free yourself, so that you can live with inner
peace, and grow with enough self-love to attract your true
counterpart.
You can only attract according to what you believe you deserve,
and I swear to you that you WILL attract someone that is far
healthier for you once you really learn how to love and appreciate
yourself.
Don’t you want to be treated in the best manner possible? So if
you are in pain most of the time, that pain is saying: “Hey, get
me out of this, because IT HURTS!” And the only way to remove
yourself from the source of emotional agony in your life is to
make a COMPLETE break.
It’s like keeping your hand halfway in boiling water! If you take
your hand out completely, and heal it, then you will be free from
pain!
If you choose to keep dipping your fingers into boiling water,
this is the same as continuing to return to a painful
relationship. One is physical pain, and the other is emotional.
There is no judgment at all. So please do NOT judge yourself for
allowing yourself to be treated far less than you deserve. The
only thing that matters is what you do from THIS moment forward.
Love yourself – a LOT!
10. The only one you will EVER need is YOU. The only one that will
NEVER leave you is YOU. So place ALL of your energy on being and
expressing all you came into this life for. It is NOT about them –
it is all about you and your growth. That is the most important
thing. Now you have learned more, and realized more. You have
evolved more as a result of all you have been through. As you come
to fully awaken to all of your grand possibilities, you really
won’t have the time, or the care to focus your attention on a past
situation. It is like focusing on anything else that is in the
past. NOW is your time to re-claim yourself, and shine as the
beacon that you are. You will feel so much
better once you take all of the above steps – as long as you
really apply them.
Barbara Rose is an internationally recognized expert in the field
of personal transformation and spiritual/human potential. A
pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication the
study and integration of humanity’s God-Nature into modern
personal growth and spiritual evolution. Best-selling author of
Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE
ONE, If God Was Like Man, and Individual Power: Reclaiming Your
Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Her public speaking events, tele-seminars,
webcasts, articles and private intensives have transformed the
lives of thousands across the globe.
Barbara is known for providing life-changing answers, quick
practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide.
She is the founder of IHSC – Institute of Higher Self
Communication, inspire! Magazine, Rose Humanitarian Alliance, and
The Rose Group publishing company. Barbara works in cooperation
with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift
the spiritual consciousness of humanity.
http://www.borntoinspire.com
Dear Nancy,
After 18 yrs. of marriage, I got divorced from a very selfcentered,
controlling man. I then had a four year relationship with a man
who lied and cheated repeatedly. I've just been dumped after 3
years with a man who had a long distance relationship going on for
most of the time we were together. This last guy has really messed
me up. He's really a good guy.
He knew about my past experiences and since he'd been cheated on
by
his ex, he swore he'd never do this to me. He was very loving,
caring,
affectionate and seemed to have total respect for me and my
feelings.
His friends, family, grown children and I are all totally shocked
that he deceived me like this. He informed me we were splitting by
leaving a
message on my answering machine!!
When we finally got to talk, he said he'd been "dropping hints for
months" but I still don't know what those hints were. He told me
"you'll get overcit" and "lots of people go through this" He was
cold and sort of heartless. This is so totally out of character
for him. It's been about 5 months now and I'm still reeling from
all this. I'm so hurt and angry and bitter I can hardly stand it.
I'm trying to stay busy, doing things I used to enjoy but now get
no satisfaction from them. I've had several men ask me out but
it's to much effort to pretend I'm having a good time. I'm not!! I
don't think a single day has gone by that I haven't cried. I know
that time heals all
wounds, but in the mean time this bitterness is destroying every
aspect of my life.
I just feel angry and hateful towards everyone and everything. I'm
lonely and want to get out and do things, but when I do I get
angry and
depressed watching other people who are happy. What happened? This
man is 48 years old, he was divorced for about 1 year when we met.
I was his first serious relationship after divorce and he was my
first serious love after disasterous relationship.
I thought things were going well and we were really connecting.
Was the timing wrong, is he going through a mid life crisis? What
do I do to make myself feel better. I'm feeling like there's
something wrong with me, like I'm worthless. Help.
Sincerely,
Nancy C.
Dear Nancy,
My heart goes out to you as I know how confusing and painful it is
to experience a break up with someone you loved as you loved this
man. It is perfectly normal to go through a period of mourning for
the loss of a relationship. However, the danger is
allowing the grief continue for an extended period of time and
then define who you are.
God brings every person and situation into our lives for our
higher good. This break up highlights a spiritual battle that has
been ongoing in your life, which God wants to free you from. He
does not want you to lose this opportunity by becoming depressed,
bitter, angry and envious of everyone and everything. He wants you
to forgive what has happened in your past. From what you have
written, it appears you have a core belief that the men you love
will eventually leave you - either emotionally as you experienced
in your marriage or through affairs outside of your relationship
(which is another form of emotional abandonment).
The origin usually is discovered in your childhood and your
relationship with your father. Whatever happened while you were
growing up had such an impact on your life that it has carried
over into all your adult relationships - so far. It is through
forgiveness of the past, surrender to God and trusting His will
for your life that you will be set free of this painful cycle.
You are most worthy of an emotionally healthy, loving relationship
with a man who treats you like a queen. Before God can bring this
man into your life, you will need work to let go of your anger
towards these men and your father. God cannot work in your life if
you are filled with fear, which anger, depression, bitterness are
byproducts of.
The ending of a relationship is not the end of you. When God
closes one door - it is for a reason. He always has a better and
brighter door to open for you, if you surrender to Him and allow
Him to work in your life.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
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With God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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