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Welcome to
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Accepting Yourself No Matter What
by Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of
your convictions."
*William F. Scolavino
"Reflect upon you present blessings, of which every man has
many--not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
*Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English Novelist
Accepting Yourself No Matter What
By Barbara Rose
I can relate to just about anybody who does not fully and
completely accept Self for who they are. I struggled with
unconditional self acceptance for many years, and now that I’ve
found out “how” to fully accept myself, unconditionally, I wanted
to pass this information on to you so that you can know exactly
how to go about it, and feel the self
love that you deserve.
First and foremost, the old luxury of negative self talk, self
condemnation, put downs, and self degradation must cease,
permanently. That means that you are no longer allowed to cut
yourself down. If you notice something about yourself that you
would like to improve, that is perfectly fine. However, this area
does not constitute your core self and entire being to be deemed
worthless.
If you were put down in your earlier years, or if you are being
put down today by others, please know in no uncertain terms that
the perceptions of others have absolutely nothing to do with you.
To illustrate this point, let’s say that I was color blind, and I
said to you: “I really think the green and purple hair on your
head looks horrible.” (No offense to anyone if you have green or
purple hair, this is just used as a metaphor.) Now if you did not
have green or purple hair, you would logically conclude that I was
out of my mind. I highly
doubt that you would take that personally. And yet, if that was my
perception, and I felt completely convinced about my opinion of
you, based on my perception, and put you down as a result, that
would be my problem, and not the truth about you.
If anyone puts you down, in any manner, in any way, it is not
about you! It is about the other person’s perceptions! Now, if you
put yourself down, then somewhere along the line you bought into
the false belief that if only you were such and such, then you
would be worthy. If only you had this or that, then you would feel
whole and complete.
Guess what? Such and such and this and that will never make you
feel worthy, whole and complete. Because once you attain whatever
“it” is, your mind would find yet another reason to feel worthy,
and the vicious cycle would go on.
It is high time you take a solid inventory of everything within
you that is lovable, worthy, and genuine. Do you care about
others? Are you honest? Here are a few more qualities that you
might genuinely have within you: Generous, sympathetic,
courageous, intelligent, capable, determined, trustworthy,
ethical, loving, warm, sensitive, feisty, sense of humor,
compassionate, perseverance, humanitarian and kind. You might also
communicate well. Be well organized, or detail oriented.
Every time you cut yourself down, become consciously aware of it.
Just catch yourself, and without judgment, replace the negative
(habitual) comment with one that is more truthful and positive
about you.
It’s easy to destroy. It’s easy to allow all kinds of negative
thought run rampant within your mind. It’s also just as easy to
consciously turn the table, and transform the flip side of the
negative comment you have made about yourself. It only takes
conscious awareness, and practice.
If you never played tennis, and went on the court for the first
time, I would wager to say that you might not have a game that
would take you to the national tennis championship. It takes
practice, and a lot of practice at that!
The same is true of your view of Self. If you have placed a
certain criteria to feel worthy, then you have placed a lie into
your mind. If you are overweight, and put yourself down because of
it, I can assure you that there are plenty of people that are
quite thin that also feel unworthy, because they wish they
weighted more!
Nothing on the outside will ever make you feel whole and complete.
You never need the validation of another person to feel worthy.
The only validation you will ever need about your worth as a
spiritual human being is your own.
If someone compliments you, simply say Thank you. Stop yourself
from saying: “Oh, no I’m not” when someone tells you something
that is kind. Furthermore, never take a compliment or an insult
too seriously, because this too has nothing to do with you, and
everything to do with the other person’s perceptions.
If you pained a painting, and two people walked into the room, one
person could say: “That is the ugliest painting I have ever seen!”
The other person could say: “That is the most gorgeous painting I
have ever seen!” Do their comments have anything to do with you?
No, they do not.
I used to be so hard on myself. Always wanting to feel “good
enough.” It only took over three decades to find my worth from the
inside out, and never judge or compare myself to another human
being. Each person on our planet is special. I learned to place
myself on equal footing with all of humanity. So I am no better
and no worse than a person living in a dumpster. We are all equal.
I used to think if I were a size 6 or 8 that would make me more
acceptable to myself. I then realized that when I was a size 8 I
used to cry myself to sleep. I realized that clothing is made in
all sizes, and I do not have to look like a model to feel more
acceptable to myself. Once I gave myself permission to be good
enough, just as I am, the self judgment stopped, and so did the
inner feelings of inadequacy. There are many people that have it
all on the outside, and still feel inadequate deep down within. I
was no exception. However, once you really turn that around, and
fully accept yourself, even with your so-called flaws, then you
can begin a journey that is filled with love, and joy, rather than
disharmony within.
No matter what you think will make you more worthy, find an
example of someone else that has that exact condition that you do
not judge. Then, stop judging yourself completely.
You can only feel the joy of life when your mind is free from self
imposed limitations and negative judgment. Be an example of your
radiant self that does lie within, by being and sharing you
greatest inner qualities, and bring those out. Focus on all of the
good that you are, so that you will always feel good enough and
accept yourself no matter what.
Barbara Rose, most widely known as “Born To Inspire” is an
internationally recognized expert in the field of personal
transformation and spiritual/human potential. A pioneering force
in incorporating Higher Self Communication the study and
integration of humanity’s God-Nature into modern personal growth
and spiritual evolution.
http://www.borntoinspire.com
Dear Nancy,
Thanks a lot for all the articles you've sent to my
mail box. I so much enjoying reading them and I've
learned a lot from them.
I am into a new relationship for about two months now,
and this guy promised me heaven and earth. He said he will
do everything to makes me happy if I should accept him.
Now that I've accepted him, he is not showing any of
those things he promised. When I asked, he said I
should please give him some time because he is into one
business.
I want to know if I should continue with him
or to just quit from him.
From
Cynthia
Dear Cynthia,
Thank you for your kind words about my articles.
I am so happy that you enjoy reading them.
I encourage you to end this relationship, as he appears to be
insincere and unwilling to keep his word. In a loving and
emotionally
healthy relationship, God is the center of the relationship,
and you are the primary priority in your partner's life - and vise
versa.
No business is more important than the nurturing of a
relationship.
Time will not make this man change his priorities as he has
already
revealed to you where his priorities are.
You are a special child of God and deserve to be in a loving
relationship with a man who places you above any material goal.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’
Visit Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931947082/103-3406444-9942253
Simply forward your receipt to
nancyp@yourtruematch.com
along with your relationship question.
I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
With God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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