Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Society's Secrets of Great Relationships: The Power
of Grace
by Dr. John Townsend
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Enthusiasm finds the
opportunities, and energy makes the
most of them."
*Henry Hoskins
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an
end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
*T.S. Eliot, 1888-1965, American Poet/Dramatist/Literary Critic
Secrets of Great Relationships
Part 1: The Power of Grace
by Dr. John Townsend
Welcome to our series on GREAT RELATIONSHIPS and how you can have
them! We all desire the good things a thriving, healthy
relationship provides-things like love, tenderness, intimacy,
companionship, security, protection, help and more. God wants you
to have all these things, and He provides a way for you to
experience these good things: through connection. God created you
for connection, both with Himself and other people, and He has
designed ways to help you grow into the relationships you need and
long for. We are excited about your own prospects to create great
relationships, whether you want to improve a struggling one, or
make a good one great.
In this first article of three, we wanted to start with the
foundation and beginning of any great relationship. That
foundation is grace. This is a word that you often hear describing
our spiritual relationship with God, and that is the origin of it.
Grace is, briefly defined, unmerited favor, and is the basis of
how God relates to us, by favoring us through love and not through
performance: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through
faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Eph.
2:8)." It is favors that God provides to us that we could never
provide for ourselves.
But grace is not just about you and God. It is also about you and
others. Any relationship that grows in intimacy, respect and
freedom must also be based on grace. Let's break this down into
its main themes.
Its basis. The love and care of any healthy relationship is freely
given, rather than earned. That is, two people connect from the
heart because they want to be together and be good to each other.
And, though it's important to have standards and requirements of
conduct and love, no one is keeping a scorecard! Think how
sometimes little kids will say, "You aren't nice to me so I'm not
your friend anymore." Well, there is nothing wrong with telling
someone you don't like their behavior. But to stop caring about
that person is a different matter. Give grace and love freely and
generously. When both people extend unconditional grace, it warms
the heart and brings people closer.
Its benefits. Not only is grace something that is unearned, it
conveys "favors," or benefits. That is, grace gives something good
to the receiver of grace. There are many elements of love and
growth that grace provides in a relationship. Here are a few:
· Compassion and empathy
· Comfort
· Encouragement
· Understanding
· Safety
· Acceptance
· Wisdom and guidance
The list could go on and on. The point is, all of these aspects of
a great relationship are based on grace. Look at grace as the fuel
of a relationship. When the connection has problems, or is running
dry, it is often because grace is not flowing freely between two
people. Open up the pipeline!
Its effects. When two people provide grace for each other as the
Bible describes it, there is nothing like it. People become
vulnerable, emotionally accessible and intimate with each other.
Grace tends to bring about more grace. I have seen couples who
have been together for many years find that, when they established
a grace relationship, things transformed between them into
closeness, safety and intimacy that they had never had before.
Grace truly brings life to a connection.
Its sources. The best grace-filled relationships are those in
which the individuals are receiving their "fuel" not only from
each other, but also from God and safe people who are "for" you
and the relationship. Life and relationship are demanding and
require much of us. You need to make sure that you are actively
involved in taking in and using the love and favor that the Lord
and good people have for you. You are not enough for each other.
Learn to connect outside the relationship, as well as inside it.
We were created for grace-based relationships, and you cannot go
wrong when you extend it to others. Learn both ends: how to
receive it, and how to provide it. As you do, your relationship
can take on the handprints of the One who made all relationships:
"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus
Christ (2 Cor. 1:2)."
Dr. Townsend is a clinical psychologist and marriage, family and
child therapist. He has an extensive background in both inpatient
and outpatient treatment programs, and has a private practice in
Costa Mesa, California. He is a specialist on such topics as
biblical models of personality and character growth, and spiritual
issues of psychopathology.
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Dear Readers,
I had the privilege of attending the first service in the new
facility of Lakewood Church in Houston. Pastor Joel Osteen has
been in the news recently as his ministry has grown to the largest
congregation in the nation.
In your walk with Jesus Christ, gathering with others and
worshiping through song and prayer is a powerful and emotionally
fulfilling experience. The presence of God in that service was
tangible - I could feel it throughout the entire service.
There are many people who feel worshiping in church is not a
necessary part of being a Christian. I understand that point of
view as I believed that for a brief period of
time in my life. On my journey, I find that my connection with God
is stronger and deeper when I hear the teaching of God's word in a
church setting and experience fellowship with other Christians.
If you need an encouraging word, Pastor Osteen's positive messages
are broadcasted all over the world. Please visit Lakewood's
website to see a webcast
of the latest service and/or scheduled television times.
http://www.lakewood.cc
Nancy
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’
Visit Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931947082/103-3406444-9942253
Simply forward your receipt
to
nancyp@yourtruematch.com
along with your relationship question.
I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
With God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
|
