Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Society's The Power of Love, Part 1
By Dr. Charles Stanley
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"We confide in our strength,
without boasting of it;
we respect that of others, without fearing it."
*Thomas Jefferson
"Courage is not a virtue or value among other personal values
like love or fidelity. It is the foundation that underlies
and gives reality to all other virtues and personal values."
*Rollo May
The Power of Love, Part 1
By Dr. Charles Stanley
What is the strongest motivation in your life?
Some people are driven by fear, greed, or lust. Others see faith
as a primary incentive. But when love is present in a person's
life,it is one of the most powerful motivating forces known to
man.
First Corinthians 13 is sometimes referred to as the "love
chapter" of the Bible. There, the apostle Paul talks about the
pre-eminence of love over biblical knowledge, powerful faith,
generosity, and even the ultimate sacrifice of one's own life.
(verses 1-3) Then, in the next four verses, he explains how
genuine love acts. You might react to this description by
thinking, I'm not sure I can do that! And you would be absolutely
correct—no one can, in his own strength, carry out all these
actions of love. It is impossible apart from almighty God, who is
the source of love.
In fact, the Bible tells us God is love. (1 John 4:8) When you and
I trusted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, the Holy Spirit
came to indwell us, and therefore we have the love of God inside
of us. As we surrender ourselves to Him, He allows His divine
love—not human love—to flow through us. That means Christians have
a
capacity to love that the unbeliever does not have; it supercedes
what human beings can do in their own strength. The Bible terms
this love "agape."
Unselfish, willing to sacrifice, and ready to serve, agape love is
committed to someone else's best interest. So how does divine love
act? It is first of all patient for God's timing and purposes. In
those frustrating circumstances that we are helpless to change,
God's love provides the power, capacity, and courage to continue
waiting until He sees fit to alter the situation. For example,
marrying quickly because you "just can't wait" reveals a desire to
fulfill self, even at the other person's expense. Agape gives us
the patience to wait for what is best.
With God's love, we also have the capacity to be kind toward
others, whether or not they are kind to us. When we are
criticized, mistreated, or falsely accused, we may want to respond
vengefully, as the world would.
But with God living and loving on the inside of us, we can respond
considerately. Kindness also conveys the idea of healing—it means
being willing to go out of our way to lift a person up. Today we
have many opportunities for kindness because discouragement,
disillusionment, and despair abound.
Notice that in every agape action Paul describes, we must forget
ourselves. Unfortunately, most people never truly learn to love
because they can't get beyond themselves. We have to get out of
the way and let God's love flow through us. Then kindness,
gentleness, and a desire to heal will naturally exude from us.
Believers have Jesus' love on the inside; as we submit to the Holy
Spirit, who controls the flow, agape love can pour forth and touch
other lives.
Paul also tells us that divine love is not jealous; it enables us
to share. Some people might regard jealousy as a protective
attitude, but it actually has more to do with fear than
protection. If we are afraid of losing someone's faithfulness, we
can become protective of it, attempting to restrict which
companions that individual may have. We may even become jealous
when someone receives rewards or recognition. These attitudes
speak of self, while agape love—the kind God wants us to have for
Him as well as those around us—is concerned with others. It asks,
not "What is good for me?" but "God, what is Your will, Your
purpose, and Your plan?"
Another aspect of agape love is humility. People overflowing with
God's love do not feel a necessity to prove anything; they are
"poised"—comfortable sitting quietly and listening—no matter what
is going on. The opposite of humility is boastful pride; such
arrogance is the equivalent of confessing, "I am empty, so I want
your attention. To get it, I must dominate the conversation and
gain recognition as the best." But love need not brag because a
relationship with God is so satisfying it requires nothing
external to feel complete.
Next, Paul says love "does not act unbecomingly"; in other words,
agape love is polite, enabling us to demonstrate godly character
when interacting with other people. We can be well-mannered both
publicly and privately, regardless of what is happening. John
13:35 elaborates, "By this all men will know that you are My
disciples, if you have love for one another."
Furthermore, love does not seek its own. In other words, love
surrenders its rights. Think about today's culture, where there is
so much talk about protecting our "rights." Isn't it interesting
that Jesus never talked about His rights? In contrast, as our
innocent Savior hung upon the cross, His concern was for the ones
who crucified Him to be forgiven. (Luke 23:34)
If you and I belong to God, we lay down our rights. We do not
necessarily allow people to trample us; we simply do not regard
our rights as our primary concern. Instead, we should focus on
allowing the love of God to flow through us to the other person.
For the child of God, the power and capacity to love is available,
even in the midst of horrible or embarrassing mistreatment. Why
does Matthew 5:39 instruct turning the other cheek if someone
strikes us? Because love never loses—but we certainly can lose
when we demand our rights.
Dr. Charles F. Stanley, pastor of the First Baptist Church of
Atlanta and founder of In Touch Ministries, demonstrates a keen
awareness of people’s needs by providing practical biblical truths
for everyday life. Modeling his ministry after the apostle Paul’s
message to the Ephesians, Dr. Stanley believes that: "Life is
worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by
the Lord Jesus–the work of telling others the Good News about
God’s mighty kindness and love" (Acts 20:24 LB). In Touch
Ministries can be found on the web at
http://www.intouchministry.org
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Dear Nancy,
I'm such a jealous boyfriend. Like I'm the worst. I wouldn't get
mad at my girl for it... I just kinda like getting really
depressed about it. I have reasons I guess to not trust her. She's
cheated on me before.
She had sex with another guy, however this was in the beginning of
the relationship and it was over a year ago. We have had slight
spilt ups in between where she'll get with another men and I don't
find that right either. I love her, and I don't want to let her
go, but there are things I can't stand. She drinks, and parties
with guys. I can't take that. I have another girl right in front
of me that is nothing like her and really likes me. But I don't
know what to do. Tell me Nancy...what's your advice?
Matt
Dear Matt,
From what you have said, you do not share the same morals and
values as your girlfriend. This is larger issue and your feelings
of jealously are your fears surfacing about your relationship. You
two are not on the same page as to what makes an exclusive
relationship work.
At this point, it seems that her relationship goals are geared
towards dating, which is not compatible with your relationship
goals. She does not appear to sincerely want to be in an exclusive
relationship, possibly with anyone at this point.
An exclusive relationship does not include being intimate with
other men - under any circumstances. I also encourage you to
explore why you have attracted this type of person into your life.
I encourage you to ask yourself if you have a core belief that
women are untrustworthy. If so, where/when did this belief
originate? It is important to work through these issues and
release the pain associated with them in order to experience an
emotionally healthy and loving relationship.
Keep in mind that you will be most strongly attracted to women who
set off your core beliefs until you do this inner work.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
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I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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