Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Personal Alchemy, Turn Your Suffering into Gold
By Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Persons of high self-esteem
are not driven to make themselves
superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by
measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy
is being who they are, not in being better than someone else."
*Nathaniel Branden {American Psychologist}
"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of
becoming,
is the only end in life."
*Robert Louis Stevenson {1850-1894 Poet, Novelist & Essayist}
Personal Alchemy, Turn Your
Suffering into Gold
By Barbara Rose
I am sure it is safe to say that each of us has had times in our
lives when we had hopes, anticipation, expectations and events
where we desired a certain outcome.
I am sure it is equally safe to say that when any of them did not
turn out the way we had wished, we felt some measure of pain,
disappointment, anger, sadness, or turmoil.
Can you relate?
The purpose of this article is to change that. Just as alchemy can
turn base metal into gold, you will soon learn how to turn your
suffering into golden freedom from inner anguish.
Our human minds, thoughts, and beliefs have been conditioned for
eons to believe that some future event will bring us happiness. As
a result, we are constantly seeking.
We are projecting our vibrant and passionately alive state on the
condition that once we have whatever event, person, material
thing, title, award, or circumstance, we will THEN have happiness.
Our ego tricks us to believe that we are not sufficient at the
present moment. No, we don’t have such and such yet; but once we
do THEN we can be happy.
Does any of this sound familiar? In any area? In any way?
When whatever we receive is not to our liking, we feel resistance.
It is the resistance to our deep belief that our current state of
being is not good enough which has us hinging our happiness on
something we think we need to acquire in order to feel happier. It
is seeking in the future.
Please let me know when you arrive at your future, I would like to
meet you! Shall I check back with you in ten minutes? Will you be
there then? I didn’t think so.
Where will you be? In the moment. Please do tell me when you will
ever NOT be IN the moment, I would like to meet you too!
THIS moment is an extraordinarily powerful and positive place to
be.
The alchemy occurs when we fully accept this moment, what we have,
and the situation at hand exactly as IT IS NOW, rather than resist
it. Perhaps this moment may not be your preference. That is
awareness! Perhaps you would prefer this moment to look different,
but it does not. It is what it is, and there is a reason for it to
be so.
Why? I’ll tell you.
Every event in our life is brought to us in order to help us grow
from within to BE the highest and best version of ourselves we can
ever hope to create.
In order to evolve internally, in love, compassion, confidence,
inner strength, gentleness, and belief in ourselves, there must be
an external catalyst for our growth. That catalyst is the
circumstance we RESIST, or try to GET in order to believe we are,
in fact, valued, loved, lovable, whole and complete as we are NOW.
Does this mean we stop doing? No. It means we start BEING, rather
than seeking or resisting and avoiding.
If you find that you are catapulted into the throws emotional
turmoil, then you are NOT doing one thing: ACCEPTING.
Accepting does not mean allowing yourself to be abused, or the
abuser. The acceptance I am speaking of is stepping back for one
enormous moment, and WATCHING your emotional reaction to any
situation where you feel resistance. Once you stop, and look at
yourself as if you were on a movie screen and say: “Look at how I
am reacting. Look at what I’m feeling because of this situation.
The moment you can catch yourself and “become the watcher” (as
Eckhart Tolle states) you immediately disengage yourself from the
emotional drama of the situation. Then, you can ACCEPT it just for
what it is. As soon as you accept it, alchemy occurs; you are no
longer in pain.
Your suffering has been transformed into freedom from suffering.
You can then look at the situation with some measure of
objectivity, and if you can’t laugh at it, you can at least come
to peace with it.
Going back to an analogy to nature, suppose you have a small rose
bush in your garden. You WANT it to bloom, and give you one
hundred perfect roses. It blooms, and gives you two instead.
Do you stomp, scream, and rip the rose bush out of the ground by
its roots? No. You ACCEPT that this is what you received. Perhaps
it wasn’t yet ready this season to bloom, as you WANT it to.
Perhaps it will never bloom. It has NOTHING to do with YOU!
It is the same with people. The way they are, is simply the way
they are. Circumstances are the way they are. It is in THIS moment
that you can make a decision based on awareness, stemming from
acceptance, as to a course of action or inaction that will serve
your best interest.
You cannot make a beneficial decision based on awareness when you
are caught in the drama of resisting what is, now. However, once
you ACCEPT what is, now, you are then free to face whatever it is
you are seeking, or avoiding.
Then you will find you are evolving, rather than creating a
Movie-of-the-week miniseries out of your emotional turmoil.
Your turmoil exists solely in your invested interest in keeping
the status quo, (if you are resisting) or in changing the status
quo – if you are seeking.
Your personal alchemy is the golden moment of acceptance, which
will transform your suffering into freedom from its tyranny
forever.
By Barbara Rose
http://www.borntoinspire.com
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Dear Nancy,
I'm having trouble with my girlfriend. I got a ticket today. I was
worried about it and tried to talk to her about it.
Later on in the day, somebody else helped to feel better about. I
told her how I felt better, and she was upset because her words
didn't make me feel better.
She says what is the point of me talking to her about my problems
if I don't listen to her advice.
The advice the other person gave me was the same as hers. I
thought it was good that I came around to agreeing with her. But
because I didn't see it at the moment - she told me I screwed up.
What do I do?
Paul
Dear Paul,
In our intimate relationships, we are emotionally vulnerable to
each other and sometimes when our partners give us advice, we
can't hear it because unconsciously it's not what we are seeking
at that moment.
We may ask for advice during times such as you experienced, but
you really just
wanted her to hear you out and express your frustration with
receiving a ticket.
When we hear advice from someone we are not vulnerable to, we hear
it differently and are more open to what is being said.
It is your responsibility to tell her what you want when you come
to her during times of frustration and worry, despite what you say
in the heat of the moment.
All relationships go through this period of learning how to
communicate with each other.
By taking the opportunity to express those needs during times of
duress, you will find your communication skills improving in your
relationship.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’
Visit Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931947082/103-3406444-9942253
Simply forward your receipt
to
nancyp@yourtruematch.com
along with your relationship question.
I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
I pray that God shines
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
|
