Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Stop Being the String Along
By Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"To give real service you
must add something which cannot be
bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and
integrity."
*Donald A. Adams {Former Rotary President}
"The rock that is an obstacle in the path of one person
becomes a stepping stone in the path of another."
*Source Unknown
Stop Being the String Along: A
Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE
By Barbara Rose
Chapter 8
Getting Real in a Relationship
When all is said and done, you ultimately want to be able to be
your true self with a partner, and you want to be treated with
mutual love and respect. The subconscious and societal
conditioning to get or capture another is where we fail ourselves,
and string ourselves along, while we simultaneously hide who we
really are.
This robs both people equally of the opportunity to get to know,
love and care for each other, while maintaining a solid sense of
self at the same time.
Being Equals
It does not matter if you are male or female, nor does it matter
what your private sexual preferences are. The only thing that
matters is that you view both yourself and the other person as a
human being that is fully equal to you. This means that your
preferences and standards are equally as important as the other
persons. As a result, they are equally respected. This means that
compromises to either your or the other person's integrity are not
an option. Games and manipulation are not an option. Do you like
it when someone plays games and tries to manipulate you? Of course
not. So therefore, trying to manipulate the other person must
never even be considered.
There does not have to be a power play to be equals. There must be
mutual respect, and caring about the other person's feelings
enough to dare to be honest, even if you might feel scared, or
fear that stating your truth might be hurtful to the other, as
long as your motive is pure and coming from your heart. It is the
heart center within each person that ties us all together. Both
men and women have feelings, and they deserve to be honored at the
expense of no one.
Being Who You Are & Being True to Yourself
When you get down to the bottom line of a relationship, being "The
One" is all about authentically being who you are, and sharing
yourself honestly and genuinely with the other person.
This requires the courage to dare
to speak your truth, even if you feel fear of rejection. It means
that you stop holding back out of fear, and start expressing
yourself, and your feelings, even if they are expressed in the
most kind and gracious manner. What matters most is that your
truth is expressed. Holding back your truth out of any fear robs
you of the ability to share your true self with the other, and it
robs the other person of the opportunity to really know who you
are, how you feel, what you think, and what you would prefer. When
you hold back and stifle your truth, this is what causes a
breakdown within the relationship. It causes the relationship to
either stagnate, or slowly deteriorate. At all stages of a
relationship, from the first meeting to decades later, sharing
your truth will never hurt you. Withholding your truth, however,
will always hurt both you and your relationship. By sharing your
interests, talents, essence and life purpose with the other
person, they are receiving a gift to get to know the incredible
being that you are. If you are too afraid to show your authentic
self, then find the courage to do so by taking a risk in daring to
be the real you.
If you are afraid of loss, then ultimately what happens is that
you lose your sense of self. Once you lose your self worth, and
esteem, you begin to slowly deteriorate, and then sadly, the
relationship naturally follows in that downward spiral. On the
flip side, taking a risk to share your genuine feelings, thoughts,
and preferences will only bring
authentic truth into the relationship, where you can thrive, and
the other person can either thrive with you, or if you are truly
not suited for each other, then it is better to part, rather than
string yourself or the other person along out of any sort of fear.
Don't you want to know the real truth about how the other person
feels, and what they are thinking? Well, they deserve to know the
same with respect to you! If you receive a phone call do not act
indifferent, or as if you just received a call from a
telemarketer. If you are happy to hear from him or her, simply
say: "I'm happy to hear from you." Or: "it's good to hear from
you!" Say the truth. People like to be liked and appreciated, not
treated like yesterday's newspaper. If he or she says or does
something that you really do not like, say: When you said that, I
felt hurt." Or "When you did that, I felt rejected, and it would
be so great if you would have done this instead."
If you let the person know when they are doing or saying something
that is upsetting to you in the moment, you will simply be
communicating your truth graciously, and at the same time, letting
them know what you would prefer instead. It doesn't have to be a
drama scene. Simply and calmly state your truth, while respecting
the other person by letting them know what you would prefer
instead, rather than expect them to be a mind reader. Only you can
read your mind. Clear communication must be shared, so that you
can have clarity within the relationship, rather than ambiguity.
If you're walking on eggshells, promptly stand in your truth, and
muster up the courage to be real enough to state what is on your
mind. This will open the door to clear communication. If the
person genuinely wants to be with you, your authenticity will only
help them by giving them the opportunity to open up and be
authentic with you in return. If your truth leads to a break-up,
wouldn't you rather have someone in your life that really wants to
be with you, or would you prefer to walk on eggshells, putting up
with words and behaviors that are far less than what you deserve?
This is your choice. You can choose to string yourself along, or
try to string the other along, but in the end, this is only
diminishes your self esteem. The greatest way to enhance your self
esteem is to be true to yourself on all levels of your life. This
will naturally be reflected in how truthful you are with the other
person, and the integrity of your relationship will at least be
authentic, regardless of whether you stay together or not. It's
always much better to go with the truth in your heart and soul.
You can never go wrong!
Taking the Games Out of Relationships
Nobody desires to be with a person that is pining away for them,
willing to sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self esteem just
to go along out of fear of rocking the boat, or losing the
relationship. Nobody truly desires a doormat, period. So whether
you are or have been the person that has either been walked all
over, or were the one that did all of the stomping, in the end, it
was not fulfilling, rewarding, or a
relationship that contributed great joy to your life. Nobody wins
in a string along relationship. Everybody wins when both you and
the other person are equally "The One."
Stop Being the Strong Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE
(ISBN: 0974145742) Published by The Rose Group. Barbara Rose
http://www.borntoinspire.com
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I pray that God shines
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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