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Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Desirous Attachment – The Trap and the Solution.
By Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Knowing others is
intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power."
*Lao Tzu, Chinese Taoist Philosopher
Desirous Attachment – The Trap and
the Solution.
By Barbara Rose
I've seen a lot in my life. A lot of people suffering, fearful,
temporarily joyous angry, hurt, resentful, longing, hopeful, and
ecstatic too.
I've felt all of the above, and I would venture to say that you or
someone you know has as well. This article is dedicated to those
who want relief and peace of mind permanently.
Desirous Attachment
I learned this term and concept from the teachings of Geshe
Kelsang Gyatso, from the many profound books he has written, and
wanted to pass on to you the freedom I have felt from learning to
free myself from desirous attachment.
Here are a few examples. A man longs for a woman, and she has no
interest. A woman wants to climb to the top of her career. A
person REALLY wants a certain home, car, promotion, status,
position, or thing.
What is going on here? It's called "desirous attachment" and when
you are "attached" to ANY outcome in life, as a source of
happiness or validation, then you are caught in the trap. What
happens when you get it and then lose it? You're miserable! What
happens if you don't get it? You're miserable. What happens when
you're waiting for it? You're anxious, stressed, driven, sometimes
obsessed with whatever "it" is.
Some people will go after whatever it is that they're attached to
at all cost, no matter what they have to do, or who they have to
hurt, or how "competitive" they have to be.
Some people cannot find inner peace unless they "have" whatever it
is they are attached to, and some people even take their lives as
a result. I almost did after an unjust custody battle years ago. I
couldn't see the "light" behind the darkness - All I could see was
the injustice, the pain, suffering, and the burning misery I
experienced really caused me to open my heart with compassion to
others who suffer - because "I've been there."
Think of every actor in Hollywood that wants to be a "star". They
are filled with desirous attachment. Think of the people who lost
all of their money and then took their lives. They too were filled
with desirous attachment.
The Cure
The only cure for desirous attachment is the realization that
whenever you get what you want, then it's usually something else
that you will want after that. Right? So it's a never ending
cycle. Once you realize that the cause of most personal suffering
is the desirous attachment to an outcome of one form or another,
and you can realize that if you let go of the desirous attachment,
and allowed yourself to be at peace with who you are, from the
inside out - rather than the outside in - a LOT of internal pain
will be alleviated.
Another example that I learned is suppose you DO get what you want
- such as a certain person in your life - you're on cloud nine -
UNTIL you have a fight - and THEN there's misery - as long as
there's desirous attachment.
Or you could be so attached to an object - such as a house, until
the roof needs to be replaced - then you're not so happy anymore.
The only way to free yourself from the emotional and mental
suffering is to release all desirous attachment, and then you can
go about your business, take care of what you wish to, be with
whomever you enjoy being with, and know that you're entire life
and reality does not EVER hinge on any one person, place or thing.
This is the cure.
I learned to put ALL of humanity on an even keel, and regard ALL
sentient beings as equal.
This releases the desirous attachment that places certain people
on pedestals, where we elevate their importance as more than other
sentient beings. ALL of humanity is equally important, not just
"my" family, or "your" family - but EVERY person alive.
No Attachment Equals No Suffering
Think about all of the things that are on your mind. There's
something that you're attached to – that you either want, or are
afraid of losing.
I've been there, and have received much, lost much, and now am
neutral as far as longing or fear. I live with more trust, as
opposed to desirous attachment, and the relief is astounding.
Living with a purpose to be of help and service to others brings
me far greater joy than anything I have ever owned, acquired or
received. This is true freedom. It's freedom from anxiety, fear,
highs and lows, as well as pain and suffering. It is not what is
outside of you that will being you joy - it is your BEING free of
desirous attachment that will enable you to live with far more
inner peace, calm, serenity, and the joy you deserve.
Shed a light on the illusion that a certain person, position or
thing will "make you happy" and then you will come to see that
true inner peace comes when the mind is free of all desirous
attachment. Think about it, and then, enjoy your JOY!
Barbara Rose
http://www.borntoinspire.com
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Dear Nancy,
I think one of the most difficult things to come to terms with is
a failed relationship.
If you are starting over how do you know whether this is the right
thing or not?
Thanks,
Anne
Dear Anne,
I agree that one of life's most painful emotional journeys is
coming to terms with the end of a relationship.
When a relationship ends, God opens a door to learn lessons that
aid in your spiritual growth. It is during the darkness that we
find out what issues God wants us to face and surrender to Him.
The first reaction most of us have when a relationship ends is a
mixture of sadness,
anger, despair and loss. While we all need a period of mourning of
the loss of a relationship, we also need to keep in mind that with
each ending, a new and brighter beginning opens up to us.
If a relationship fails, it was not God's will in your life to be
with that person.
Be thankful that He took you out of an unsuitable situation and
allowed
you to start over.
Ask for guidance and spiritual understanding of what you need to
learn from this
experience. By opening your heart to the lessons a failed
relationship teaches
instead of delving into self-pity, you will see the path to love
God wants you to take.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’
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along with your relationship question.
I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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