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Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: About Self Love
By Barbara Rose
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"You are always a valuable,
worthwhile human being, not because
anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you
make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and
for no other reason."
*Dr. Wayne Dyer
About Self Love
By Barbara Rose
1. How do I love myself?
2. How can I feel like I don’t need approval and validation from
anyone else anymore?
3. Why is it so hard for me to love myself?
4. What can I do to really feel happy inside?
5. Why is it so hard for me to take a compliment?
6. How can I know if someone loves me for who I am?
THE ANSWERS
1. How do I love myself?
Love of Self is simply a view of Self. If you view yourself with a
great deal of compassion, and suspend all judgment, then replace
that judgment with understanding, and compassion, you will come
closer and closer to love your authentic self.
So many people have taken on the views of others during their
earlier years, and have not learned how to replace those views
with the pure truth.
The way to do this is to immediately stop insulting yourself,
cutting yourself down, and degrading yourself. This is paramount!
Instead of saying: “I stink at this” say: “I am doing my best, and
that is all that is needed.” You have to bring all of the small
insulting lies that you tell yourself up to your conscious
awareness.
Once you NOTICE what you are actually telling yourself, and if it
is degrading, simply notice it without any judgment whatsoever,
and then replace it with something more compassionate and
understanding. Speak to yourself the way you would to someone that
you have great respect for.
Love for Self, and love for any other person comes from our views
and perceptions. It is all within the mind. Our mind is governed
by our thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings
urge us into action, and the cycle continues.
So in order to truly love yourself, you must change how you view
yourself, and that can only be with complete compassion, care,
respect, and honestly taking a conscious effort to change the
verbal abuse you dish out to yourself when you are not even aware
of it most of the time. People that love themselves do NOT degrade
themselves. I wouldn’t dare degrade YOU, so please immediately
stop degrading yourself, and come to embrace your unique
qualities. You chose those
qualities and attributes for your unique contribution in this
world.
Honor what makes you “different” because that is your unique Light
that you are on this Earth to shine! Treat yourself the way
you wish someone else would treat you, and always give yourself a
heartfelt hug for the sacred person that you are.
2. How can I feel like I don’t need approval and validation from
anyone else anymore?
If you are going to base your sense of self worth on the changing
views and perceptions of others, then it is like building a house
on shifting sand.
Every person has the right to their own views and perceptions, and
no one has the right to judge you. It is solely your view of self
that matters, because only you can live your truth! You know what
feels true for you inside and what does not. Another person cannot
ever live your truth, or tell you what is true for you.
Once you start to honor what feels true for you in your heart, and
simply go for it without even speaking about it to anyone else,
you will come to feel a great measure of inner confidence that
grows each time you honor what feels right to you in your heart –
not your head, or your fears, but in your heart.
It takes practice, like anything else, and once you get used to
honoring and following your own inner truth, you will no longer
feel the need to receive validation and approval from anyone,
ever.
3. Why is it so hard for me to love myself?
It is hard because no one ever taught you how to honor yourself,
your preferences, your talents, abilities, strengths, inner gifts,
and areas of self expression that are uniquely yours. So if you
were never taught how to do something, why are you being so hard
on yourself?
Now, all you really need to do – which is actually quite simple,
is to tell yourself every good quality you have on the inside in
front of the mirror, each day, based on your observable actions
Begin a dialogue to become friends with the person you see every
day.
So if you fed your pet, that is being caring. If you called a
friend that is going through a hard time - that is being
compassionate. If you went to work so you can pay your bills -
that is being responsible. So you are to walk up to that face in
the mirror, and as hard as it will be for your ego to do this
dialogue, what will happen is that you are slowly, day by day,
going to become your own best friend. You are going to feel more
self-appreciation. You are going to feel more care for yourself.
This mirror process truly works! I have taught it to countless
people over the last decade, and I also had to go through it
myself for over two years, every day, to chip away at the lies I
was told growing up, and replace it with authentic truth, based on
my observable actions, so my big ego would actually believe me.
Trust that there will be fierce resistance to this from your ego
in the beginning. I actually cursed at myself my first time in
front of the mirror over a decade ago. I wouldn’t dare curse at
myself now!
I can attest that every single person I teach this to, and share
this with, now loves themselves genuinely. The ego is melting
away, along with the self-degrading lies. If you really want to
love yourself, the old beliefs must be transformed. It is like
cleaning out an inner closet with an old belief system, and
replacing it with authentic truth.
No one can give this to you but
you.
No one can love you and make you feel lovable.
You have to know and believe you are lovable.
This is just one technique that cost nothing, and brings about
astounding change every single time.
You have to also realize that it is your responsibility to learn
how to appreciate yourself, no matter what circumstances are
facing you, and never seek to validate yourself from the outside
in, because you can only be validated from the inside out. This
will get you there a LOT faster than anything I have ever come
across.
4. What can I do to really feel happy inside?
First, do the mirror technique that I outlined above twice a day,
for two years.
Then, imagine that you have a clean slate before you – called your
life – and that there was a guarantee that if you followed your
truth, you could NOT FAIL.
What do you really want to do with your days and nights? If you
had twelve million dollars in the bank, and you already owned
every THING that you have ever wanted to own, what would you love
to do so much that you would do it for free?
What are the natural talents and abilities that you have? What are
you naturally good at? What makes you feel so alive?
These are the questions that you have to ask yourself, so that you
can get to the core of who you are on the inside, and then you
will be able to live it, and love every minute of it on the
outside.
The only things that make me feel happy are when I am with my
children, when I am giving my private consultations and
intensives, writing (this for you : )) working (in absolute JOY)
on inspire! magazine, going out in nature, doing my hobbies,
really enjoying the night sky, or a sunset – they are simple
pleasures. Being with friends and laughing – that’s something we
could all use more of! Bringing through information from Divine
Source in my writings – I love every minute of it! I love to
travel (sometimes) and there is so much in life that I love. So I
create time to do it all during my days and nights. I had to
CREATE my life, no one gave it to me.
You have to create the life of your dreams, based solely on what
you love, and on how you can serve from your heart so that you are
really making a difference.
For me, personally, there is no greater joy than when I am making
a difference – that’s why I love the work (joy) that I do so much!
Many times I am volunteering and do NOT get paid for my work –
like right now. And I still love it just as much as if I was paid
ten thousand dollars for the few hours it takes to put this
together.
You came into this life for a purpose. The key is to find out what
that purpose is, so you CAN move in that direction, and live your
life in-joy!
It is then that you will be doing everything that will make you
happy, because you will be living from the inside out, rather than
looking for an answer from the outside in.
5. Why is it so hard for me to take a compliment?
Probably because you are so used to taking insults. I was there
too! If someone complimented me I would say: “Oh, that’s not
true.” Because what I really wanted was more validation. I then
learned a simple technique that actually changed that. I learned
to simply say Thank You. For the first dozen or so compliments, it
was really hard for me to do that. Then, I began to feel more
comfortable accepting a compliment.
NOW, I learned NOT to take a compliment seriously at ALL – because
it is based solely and completely on the views of another person,
and what is in their mind – which has nothing to do with me!
Additionally, I don’t take an insult personally either – how
freeing!
I can be completely open to constructive critique, such as when
I’m working on a project, however, I no longer take it into the
core of my being like I used to.
Just say “Thank You” when someone compliments you, and should
anyone ever insult you, just know that it is coming from their own
perceptions, and never take it seriously. Moreover, people do like
to express their views. So if someone does share their views with
you, just know that they are entitled to them, and maintain your
own view of self with a lot of loving compassion, and zero
self-judgment – that is the key!
6. How can I know if someone loves me for who I am?
By your keen instincts, the subtle things you pick up on, and
really being honest with yourself. Perhaps someone adores you and
you may not feel worthy of that. So you may doubt that anyone can
really love you for you.
When you really love and value yourself, in a genuine way –
without all of the ego, you will come to trust your feelings and
perceptions. You will instinctually “know” if someone is for real
or not. The trick here is are you being real with yourself, or are
you playing games with yourself, and not following your own truth?
We tend to doubt others when we doubt ourselves. We also pick up
on the authentic feelings other people have for us when we are
being authentic with ourselves.
Trust your feelings, and get your head out of the way. Move more
into your heart center and dare to expose how you really feel –
even if it just to yourself. You will find that when you are
completely honest with yourself, and the feelings in your heart,
you can then learn to trust what you are picking up from other
people. You will
trust yourself, and you will be able to follow what feels true for
you. You will also know if someone really does or does not love
you – you will know – once you come to know and honor what you
feel inside fully.
Barbara Rose – Born to Inspire Internationally acclaimed public
speaker, spiritual author of: “If God Was Like Man,” and
“Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your
Life”, founder of The Rose Group publishing company and inspire!
magazine works in Divine Cooperation with others to uplift the
spiritual consciousness of humanity. Through a Divine Spiritual
gift she brings through information to create the highest vision
of your life,and our world. Her internationally praised seminars,
articles, Higher Self Certification intensives, and Divinely
Channeled private consultations, have changed the lives of
thousands.
For enlightening info, contacts, books, articles and resources to
help you become your highest self, Visit Barbara’s Websites at:
http://www.borntoinspire.com
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Hi Nancy,
I am in a bit of a dilemma of whether or not to stick with
something or let it fizzle out.
I have been seeing someone for around 2 months now and I enjoy his
company.
The problem is I'm not sure about him and I don't want to get
hurt. When we started
seeing each other I wasn't bothered about him and treated him very
badly one night
while we were out. The result was he stopped calling as much.
When we did meet I got the impression he was going to end it but I
got in with my
apology first and he didn't break it off or mention it. So we went
on from there although I did notice a bit of a change. I did ask
him a few weeks later when we started sleeping together was it
just sex. His answer was he really liked me and no. I told him I
would leave him if it didn't improve and had thought about it so
he asked what he could do and I said ring a little more. In
fairness he has started texting or ringing mostly every other day
to let me know what he's at if we are not seeing each other.
He brought me to a concert with his family on New Year's which I
would imagine was a good sign but maybe not. Then last weekend
after drinks with my family (which unnerved him a bit) He
says he really likes me and fond of me but doesn't love me YET! He
says he has a bad track record with women, he losses interest and
breaks it off. He has only ever has 2 serious relationships and he
is 31. So he says he doesn't want to hurt me but he cant promise
security & doesn't know if he will ever love me etc.
I said I didn't love him but also needed to be open to fact that
maybe it could happen which he couldn't say. He reckons the whole
relationship is just not WOW for him although when he hears me
sing it is WOW!! He also added that the night I treated him badly
had affected the way he sees me. Then we had a hug and he said he
was sorry for all the fuss!
Is this man a player, a head wrecker or some one who is just a
commitment phobic and I should bide my time and wait. Bear in mind
I am only 25, not in love with him either YET but do enjoy his
company and would be willing to maybe falling in love. Perhaps he
thinks it is getting to serious for 6 wks and is just protecting
himself - what do you think???
Dear Sorcha,
Some people are attracted to the drama of a relationship –
the intensity reminds them of a tumultuous childhood.
They have the highest chemistry with people who ignite old
unresolved feeling and issues. This could be the case with
your boyfriend as he says he loses interest in his relationships
after a while and then breaks it off.
I don’t believe he is intentionally playing with your head,
but he certainly has issues that he needs to address before
he will be able to form an emotionally healthy relationship.
You are correct that his change in attitude is his way of
protecting himself from being vulnerable in your relationship.
Please keep in mind that he is doing and saying these things
unconsciously … that is he is reacting in the manner he always
has reacted and not dealing with the real issue.
I encourage you to open the lines of communication and try to
break through the barriers he has built. If your relationship is
going
too last, you both need to work on the foundation and establish a
solid base of mutual trust, respect, friendship and love. A real
and
lasting love can then evolve - it takes much more than mutual
attraction to one another. If your relationship is meant to be,
God will find a way to make it work.
Any relationship involves the possibility of getting hurt,
but it only through this leap of faith that you will find
the love you desire.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’
Visit Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1931947082/103-3406444-9942253
Simply forward your receipt
to
nancyp@yourtruematch.com
along with your relationship question.
I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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