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Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Seven Simple Exercises to Invite the Extraordinary
Life
By Guy Finley
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Only when we give joyfully,
without hesitation or thought of gain,
can we truly know what love means.
*Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998, American Author and Expert on
Love and Human Relationships
Seven Simple Exercises to Invite
the Extraordinary Life
By Guy Finley
I can think of no greater encouragement than the self-evident
Truth that there dwells in each of us the opportunity to explore
and know the Extraordinary Life. The meaning of Extraordinary I
wish to convey points to the immutable and inexhaustible source
that is the secret center of each of us: a timeless resource open
and available to anyone who would seek this Life that sits behind
life as we know it. Will we spend our lives in mere dreams of
winning a limitless life, or will we do the inner- work of
awakening from this dream? Choosing the Extraordinary Life begins
with our conscious work to realize it, which the following special
practices help to ensure.
1. Let Nagging Questions Go Unanswered: In stressful moments,
listen to what life is trying to tell you about you instead of
searching anxiously for familiar answers to make life feel "right"
again. All fearful, doubt-filled moments are secret reflections of
what we have yet to understand about life and ourselves, not
life's rejection of us or our wish for happiness. Choose to go
consciously quiet whenever there is a riot in you. Refuse to take
part in the search to repair what you fear may be coming undone.
Let go and watch what happens when you consciously sacrifice the
fear-filled self. This new action allows the Extraordinary Life to
enter into you where its presence alone proves that all is well.
2. Don't Make the Rescue Call: In times of anxiety and fear, we
almost always call upon someone or something to help us get
through our stress. This dependency on others for strength not
only weakens our soul, but also steals from it the possibility of
being educated by the Extraordinary Life, which means we miss two
major lessons. First, the crucial lesson that all our fears are
based upon false evidence that
appears real. With this revelation comes our second realization
that the same frightened self that seeks rescue secretly confirms
its imagined condition as being real each time it cries out for
help. Refusing to rescue ourselves from inner states that scare us
invites the Extraordinary Life that shows us that no such
scared self exists that needs saving.
3. Take the Hard Way: Rut and routine are two sides of the same
sad street. Repetitive patterns are the well-worn pavement that
our spiritually asleep self loves to tread while it talks us to
death with its empty promises of extraordinary times "just ahead."
We can learn to do much better let ourselves be betrayed in this
way, but it takes inner work! Instead of caving into the demands
of those slipshod parts of ourselves always looking for the easy
way out, we must choose in favor of what our false nature wants us
to see as being the "hard" way. But it's not. In fact, once we
learn that the only real way out of what we would rather avoid is
to go through it, we discover another self-liberating truth: the
only thing that's hard on us is when
we allow our unenlightened nature to convince us that getting
around something is the same as rising above it.
4. Do the Thing You Fear Doing: There is a correct time and place
for thinking through practical plans in the ordinary scheme of
life's events. But nothing that is founded in thought can serve to
reveal the unthinkable plans that the Extraordinary holds in store
for anyone willing to leap into the moment without a parachute.
Never mind those old fears of falling. Just jump! Being willing to
risk failing is a prerequisite for fearless living. If you will
take the leap into what you are afraid of doing, the Extraordinary
Life will prove to you that Its unshakable ground is everywhere
beneath you at all times. Nothing compares with this discovery
because, once realized, there's nowhere to go but up! A note of
caution: taking a spiritual leap is far different from taking a
reckless physical risk. Never risk the well being of your physical
body for the sake of a passing thrill: for what is possible to
attain with a body, cannot be without one. The temporary rush of
adrenalin has nothing in common with one's awakening to the
reality of a timeless, fearless life.
5. Take Time Out from Yourself Every Day: Unseen by the self that
walks upon it, thought is a treadmill powered by the movement of
our yesterdays as they produce our tomorrows. This is the real
meaning of "doing time." The domain of the Extraordinary Life is
Timeless. To share Its life, we must enter into Its world. Here is
a good way to begin this Work: Every day, as often as can be
remembered, chose to break out of that gilded, but self-confining
cage called "thinking about yourself." We live under the power of
these unconscious ponderings, for when they turn dark and
stormy, it is we who are left out in the cold. Even if we can only
collect ourselves to meditate, pray or contemplate a Higher Idea
for a few minutes at a time, we must do it anyway. These small
windows -- opened by our work to remember the Extraordinary Life
-- grant us passage into its timeless domain.
6. Open Yourself to Life: Dare to see and experience yourself as
you are without giving names to all the varied emotional
sensations that present themselves before your watchful inner
eyes. Allow the meaning of whatever states you see coming
up in you to reveal their actual nature to you. Resist the
temptation to interrupt their upwelling by explaining to yourself
what you are experiencing. Have no intention toward these thoughts
and feelings other than to be open to them and, in doing so, to
permit them their uninterrupted passage through you. Why open up
to life in this way? For one thing, this gives negative states the
back door they need to depart. For another, the Extraordinary Life
is very possessive. It will not enter any zone marked "occupied."
7. Make No Campsites: The Extraordinary Life visits individuals,
not groups or organizations. It strengthens the soul willing to be
alone for its sake. Keep your distance from people who insist that
you believe as they do, who hope to convince you that the reality
they have satisfied themselves with should satisfy you as well.
These deceivers want only to keep you in their unreal camp. Never
mind who is walking with you and who isn't. Be wary of any
campsite -- inner or outer -- with its bright "welcome weary
traveler" sign. Most of these campers desire your company so that
they can forget they are going nowhere. Walk on! Your persistence
is an open invitation to the Extraordinary Life to show you the
Way back home.
About the Author:
Guy Finley is Founder and Director of the Life of Learning
Foundation, devoted to helping people realize their True
Relationship with Life.
His works have sold over a million copies worldwide and have been
translated into twelve languages.
Guy's program "Wisdom's Way with Guy Finley" airs Sundays
worldwide on Wisdom Television.
For more information about Guy Finley and Life of Learning call
(541) 476-1200 or visit
www.guyfinley.com.
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Hi Nancy,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost one year.
In the beginning it was exciting because there were so many things
to get to know about each other but slowly I find myself getting
very bored.
My boyfriend is quiet and has a very good heart but sometimes I
feel
that isn't enough. I started being more self conscious of our
relationship
after I introduced him to some of my friends with whom he had a
hard time
getting along with.
It was strange because I realized that he would have nothing
really in common
with my friends and could not really hold a conversation with any
of them.
My friends are very important to me and when the man who I thought
I loved
doesn't really get along with them as I hoped, it is hard for me
to be confident
about our relationship.
I don't know if I'm being shallow but I just figure that there is
something not right
with the fact that my boyfriend has nothing in common with the
people I have so
much in common with. I guess I can hang out with my friends and my
boyfriend
individually but I don't really want a relationship like that.
I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Samantha
Dear Samantha,
It appears that you have found a wonderful boyfriend, but you feel
like it’s not really
love because your relationship does not have drama. We tend to
have the highest
attraction to people who push our buttons and allow us to recreate
emotional situations that we have not worked through.
For example, if grew up in a home where your parents divorced and
your Dad
always broke his promises to see you – leaving you feeling as if
he divorced you as
well as your Mom.
Unconsciously you would carry this feeling of abandonment over
into your adult relationships, where you would select partners who
would create this feeling of abandonment in your relationships.
Unconsciously, you would do everything you could to “prove” that
your core belief to yourself that the men you love will eventually
leave you was true. The important thing to remember is that love
does not equal drama.
As for the meeting with your friends: Keep in mind that it takes
some people time to warm up to others. Not everyone is outgoing
and gregarious. Some people just need time to absorb their new
surroundings and new people before getting involved in the
conversation.
Your boyfriend may have more in common with your friends than you
think … it’s hard to determine after a few meetings where I’m sure
he felt a bit of an outsider.
Perhaps you can introduce him to a friend at a time and let him
gain confidence in this area. Because maintaining your
friendships is important to you, I’m sure it’s important to your
boyfriend and I encourage you to support his efforts. Everyone
wants to feel important and appreciated and your boyfriend should
feel that he is your top priority.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
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Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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