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Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:
Guest Article: Make a Decision Not Just a New Year’s
Resolution
By Judith Wright
Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy
"Talk not of wasted affection; affection
never was wasted."
*Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1819-1892, American Poet
Make a Decision Not Just a New
Year’s Resolution
By Judith Wright
Every year the majority of us make a promise to ourselves that we
will change some habit we find unseemly – we make a New Year’s
resolution. And for a time, even if it is just a fleeting moment,
we actually believe that we will keep that promise. We will stop
eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every time we have a bad day, we
will only wear our workout pants when we’re actually going to the
gym, we will water the plants, eat nutritious meals, and be at
work on time. And this year, we’ll actually do it…Yeah, right.
Soft Addictions Block New Years Resolutions
The problem with all New Year’s resolutions is that we expect
ourselves, in one fell swoop, to break the habitual cycles we have
developed over months, weeks and years. The behaviors we return to
again and again – like procrastinating, overeating, and watching
hours of TV every day – can’t just be wiped out cold turkey. More
than just a bad habit, these behaviors are actually Soft
Addictions that are robbing us of the time, money, energy and
meaning we deserve.
New Years Resolutions Alone Don’t Work
The average New Year’s resolution lasts just three weeks, and for
many of us, that’s a stretch. It’s not that we don’t want to take
these behaviors out of our lives, it’s just
that we’re going about it the wrong way. Trying to make a “quick
fix” every January 1st isn’t going to solve the problem. To really
make a change in your life – to find the
MORE in life you are looking for – takes more than a New Year’s
resolution. It takes a commitment to achieving the vision you see
for your life.
What’s the Difference?
We make New Year’s resolutions to deal with the surface problems
in our lives – we want to lose weight, be more organized, make
more money – and we think that fixing
this problem will make us happy. However, even if we do achieve
the surface goals, the deeper problems are still looming. Many of
us have lost weight or got the ‘right’ job or guy but have still
been unhappy.
Make a One Decision
This year, I challenge you to make more than a resolution, make a
“One Decision.” The One Decision is your commitment to living a
life of MORE. We all face the decision between living deep,
meaningful lives or surface, unconscious ones. To make lasting
change in our lives, we need to commit to one way of living versus
another. This is not just a decision. It is the One Decision that
determines the quality and direction of our life.
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t realize that the
decision is yours to make. We often go through life thinking, This
is just the way it is. It seems the best we can do is get by. We
numb ourselves to the pain and just cope or get by. By making a
One Decision, you choose to pursue the greater MORE in life, more
connection, meaning, fulfillment, and satisfaction. And along the
way you find more time, money, and energy.
A One Decision does not mean you will never have Soft Addictions.
That isn’t the point. But the next time you find yourself
mindlessly snacking or procrastinating by
gossiping for hours on end, you can recall your one decision and
give yourself the opportunity to shift or make a different choice.
A One Decision Example
The expression of a One Decision is personal and unique. But here
is an example of how one person expressed her decision. I have
decided. I have made the One Decision. I have decided to live an
exceptional life a conscious life, to fulfill my spiritual hungers
to live deeply to open myself to all life has to offer and greet
it. I have decided to be open to my feelings, to let them wash
across my face. A life worth living is one where all experiences
are worthy of being experienced. I need not numb myself. I invite
it. I choose life!
Making Your One Decision
Here are several steps you can do to make your One Decision.
1. Reflect on your reasons.
Find a quiet spot to reflect on why you want to make a One
Decision. Why do you want more in life? What soft addictions or
failed resolutions are getting in your way? Do you have yearnings
you want to fulfill? What excites you?
2. Identify your desires.
What do you want ore of in life—more life, love, meaning,
feelings, intimacy, connection, satisfaction, money, energy,
passion? What would make your life a well-lived life? Proclaim
what you want more of by writing it down.
3. Claim your commitment.
Write down your personal commitment. Compose a paragraph
expression your One Decision. Use the previous two questions as
raw material.
Be inspired with this quote from Jack London:
“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark
should burn out in a brilliant flame than it should be stifled by
dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow than a sleepy and permanent
planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I
shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my
time” --Jack London
A One Decision is not meant to replace resolutions or the
commitment to overcome Soft Addictions, but it is a critical step
towards success in achieving resolutions and
releasing Soft Addictions. Make this year count. As you start to
think about your resolutions, give yourself the gift of a One
Decision.
About the Author
JUDITH WRIGHT is the national best-selling author of THERE MUST BE
MORE THAN THIS: Finding More Life, Love, and Meaning by Overcoming
Your Soft Addictions.
http://www.judithwright.com
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina
Dear Nancy,
I've been dating a guy for about 1 1/2 months.
Last night, New Year's Eve, he told me he loved me.
He has been hinting at his feelings all week.
I couldn't say the words back to him, so I told him I love
being with him, which is true.
We are good together.... communication is there,
we have fun, and great sex. We are both divorced,
have children and don't want more, and we are both
looking for a LTR. I am 40 and he is 39.
Is is too soon for these words to be spoken?
I am having a great time with him, but question if
it's really love he is feeling.
How long does it take to "fall in love"?
Please help!!
Dear Deb,
True and lasting love takes time to develop and requires
a solid foundation of trust, honesty, open communication,
friendship, mutual values and goals.
You are wise to tell him how you feel at this time and
not to feel pressured to say the words because he spoke them to
you.
I encourage you to follow your intuition and tell him when
you are ready that you love him. There is no rush to say the
words.
There also is no set time period in which to fall in love ... it's
different from person to person, relationship to relationship.
Keep in mind that some people want instant relationships
and try to bypass the process that only time can build.
Usually at the three month point, you will see how compatible you
are with each other. At that time you will have a better idea
if you are in sync with each other to pursue a long term
relationship.
Deb, if your relationship is meant to be, God will make it work
out in
His perfect timing.
Please write to me at
asknancy@yourtruematch.com to see your advice here.
Confidential replies can be obtained through
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I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.
Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?
I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.
May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!
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