Get busy living, or get busy dying.

I find myself really busy these days, but I'm realizing that it's not the way I used to feel "busy."  Busy used to be a distraction from my real life - from what was most important to me.  It used to be a frantic attempt to escape a nightmare I made up about myself in a child's mind.  Busy is now about experiencing my real life full out.  To really live, which includes fully experiencing the wonder of each aching, breathing, conscious, death-defying, effervescent moment (ah, you thought I was going through the whole alphabet again, did ya?), is so astounding that spending it distracted or in complaint about it for one moment is such a colossal waste of time.  Feel it, yes, by all means feel all of it.  Numb yourself or complain about feeling it, no way.  It is too precious a gift and such an awesome journey of discovery. 

It's kind of like when Jodie Foster discovers God's hand in her first real "vision" of the universe in the movie, "Contact," where she sighs in amazement, "there are just no words for the beauty of this."  Yesterday was filled with such raw, real life, such profound opportunity to connect with and serve others, which really serves me.  It doesn't always show up for me that I'm "doing it right," but I trust God know what he's doing by using me this way.  It overwhelms, thrills, and sometimes sickens me with its intensity.  And just when I was starting to feel totally exhausted, it all became so completely worthwhile when Anne comforted me over dinner with the comment, "I want to be a rock for you to lean on at times like this."  God, thank you for the miracles of my life and my wife, and please help me get better at doing your work and relaxing in its flow.