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The
challenge of intimacy "Others
are mirrors in which we are constrained to see ourselves, not as
we would like to be, but as we are. Whenever we pull away,
searching in one mirror after another for a more pleasing image,
what we are really doing is avoiding the truth about ourselves... ...
Hiding is not what marriage partnership is about.
Marriage means being in the spotlight, being under the unceasing
scrutiny of another person, just as we are all under the constant
gaze of God. Marriage is about nakedness, exposure,
defenselessness, and the very extremities of intimacy. It is
about simple unadorned truth between two human beings, truth at
all levels and at all costs, and it does not care what pain or
inconvenience must be endured in order for the habit of truth to
take root, to be watered, and to grow into full maturity... Of
course, only God can give people the strange desire to know the
whole truth about themselves, and the strength and courage to live
life wide open, exposing their lives before one another.
And how does He do it? How does He slip us this bitter pill,
coated with intense desire and determination? Fortunately,
the pill is also lavishly coated with the mystery we call love,
which is the only thing in heaven or on earth which can shield us
from the horror of knowing what we are really like. That, in
fact, is what God's love is: it is His armor, a holy armor of
forgiveness and acceptance that we put on over our corruption and
ignorance, an armor of worth or worthiness that completely covers
our own sense of worthlessness." |
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Yesterday
was a day filled with challenging relationship work, the most daunting
place for most of us, that place of intimate partnership with a person
we "claim to love." It is a bold statement, "I
love you.", requiring an even bolder commitment to what it takes to
fully meeting its demands "with action" rather than
just with words. I spent the better part of my day yesterday
inside 6 different relationship scenarios - two marriages where
infidelity (in one case fully exposed and in another soon to be so) was
wreaking havoc, two marriages caught up in the day-to-day struggle to
fully experience love amidst life's chaos (one of those my own),
one long-term relationship between two people struggling to find a
way to stop hurting each other out of their own deep personal hurt, and
one personal and very hopeful search for meaningful relationship after
several difficult, painful failures. |
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I
share this message after a loud and bitter argument with my own wife the
other night where I was confronted with my own childish ego needs, in
the midst of having swallowed this "bitter pill."
Suffice it to say I spent yesterday on my knees, asking forgiveness
from both her and God for my petty foolishness. I have
tremendous respect for anyone who takes this confronting work on, and I
am dedicating this message to those brave souls out there who are
willing to apply the toughest standard to their loving actions
every day. You are surely earning life's richest reward, and the
price is very high indeed. And to those of you I supported
directly yesterday, I say to you that I will never give up standing
side-by-side with you to the very end in your battle for your own
salvation. |
